IT’S ALWAYS DOOMSDAY SOMEWHERE

Here it is August already. We’re rapidly closing in on December 21, the end of the world…not!

A few days ago in Bolivia, President Evo Morales announced that beginning December 21, 2012, Coca-Cola will be banned “to celebrate the end of capitalism” and “the beginning of the culture of life.”

Confusion reigned. Banning Coca-Cola? Really? Media outlets around the world ran articles that Bolivia was going to boot the world’s largest soft drink manufacturer.

Rising to his country’s defense, David Choquehuanca, Bolivia’s foreign minister, explained that December 21, 2012 was the day the Mayan lunar calendar enters a new cycle and “has to be the end of Coca-Cola, the end of selfishness, of division. The planets will line up after 26,000 years. It is the end of capitalism and the beginning of communitarianism.”

Okay. So Coca-Cola fosters selfishness and division and if it goes away, it’s all going to be rainbows and unicorns, right?

Turns out, Bolivia is not the only country annoyed with Coca-Cola. You can’t get the “Real Thing” in Cuba or North Korea. What is it with commies and America’s famous soft drink? And speaking of nut cases, Hugo Chavez, the charming leader of Venezuela, has asked his countrymen to stop with the “pause that refreshes” and instead drink Uvita, the grape juice produced by a state-run company. No capitalism there, right? (And wouldn’t that grape juice be oh-so-much-better if is was fermented in a nice oak cask for a year or so?)

Another article appeared a few days after the ban was announced: “Bolivian officials played down a recent pledge to ban Coca-Cola, saying the words were taken out of context. Their aim was to encourage locals to switch to a homemade peach soft drink instead of the famous American soda.”

Thus, when Bolivian Foreign Minister Choquehuanca declared December 21 as the end of Coca-Cola, he actually meant it was the beginning of Mocochinci, the drink made from dried peaches, according to Foreign Ministry spokesperson Consuelo Ponce.

Okay, I admit, not end of the world stuff, per se, unless you are a Bolivian hooked on Coca-Cola instead of the local soft drink that is just peachy. (Sorry. Sorry. It was there, I had to do it. I know it was wrong.)