12-21-12 DAWNS! AS EXPECTED, WE’RE STILL HERE!

We can sigh in relief. We haven’t gone KA-BOOM!

Of course, we were never going to go KA-BOOM today. In fact, I visited December 21, 2012, The Official Website, and they have a post for the “Shocking 2013 Horoscope.”

Based on the feeds I have been getting via Google Alerts for the last year, news outlets all over the world are telling people to simmer down, the world is fine! China seems to be the most worrisome place. The God Almighty cult appears to have embedded the doomsday fear deep in the collective Chinese psyche.

In Belize, Mexico and other Maya-country nations, tourism is up. Parties, fine dining, festivals and other events are in full swing.

Of course, a lot of people are hunkering down in their basements or, better yet, their apocalypse shelters and waiting for whatever. Many are certain that when the smoke clears, they will pop out of their rabbit holes like Bugs Bunny and take command of the ragtag survivors – this, of course, would be implausible if the world went KA-BOOM –  thus assuring their status as heroes rather than their current standing as losers and misfits.

However, since we’re all still here, I am pointing my finger and laughing. The absurdity of it all is both comic and tragic! Mean-spirited people perpetrate a monstrous hoax on the world and while most of the world yawned and moved on with other stuff, a few gullible, sad people have slipped into despair and depression over an nonsensical event that was never going to happen.

So, this ends my IT’S END OF THE WORLD…OR NOT! blog. It’s been fun, illuminating and occasionally disheartening. But well worth the effort!

Merry Christmas! And many Happy New Years!

Adios!

MY PREDICTIONS FOR 2012

Early on in this blog, I made 10 predictions for 2012 as an exercise in how simple it is to cover the spread, so to speak. Now let’s see how I did as a soothsayer, prognosticator and latter-day seer.

1.      During the spring and early summer, areas of the American heartland will experience major flooding.

In June, eight inches of rain fell overnight in Minnesota and Duluth was deluged.

2.      Renewed violence will break out in the Middle East.

Too easy, really. Syria again flared up in February. Israel and the Palestinians were bombing each other hammer and tong until recently.

3.      A tyrannical dictator will be driven out of office.

I had hoped that Syrian President Bashar Assad – a real butcher and badman – would be deposed before the end of 2012, but thus far, he’s still in power. Search as I might, I can’t find another despot of note who was deposed in 2012. I strike out here!

4.      An iconic American movie star and Academy Award winner will die.

On July 7, Ernest Borgnine, 95, passed away. He won an Academy Award for his role as Marty in the film of the same name and easily qualifies as “iconic” given his numerous film roles and stint as McHale on McHale’s Navy.

5.      An earthquake will create widespread destruction and panic.

On May 20, a 6.0 magnitude earthquake hit the Emilia-Romagna region of northern Italy, killing six people, injuring scores more and toppling centuries-old churches and clock towers.

6.      A major medical breakthrough in cancer research will be announced.

“Researchers at Stanford University have recently developed an antibody that is showing great promise in cancer treatment research. Preliminary results of this antibody are yielding shrunken tumors, halted growth, and even complete elimination of tumors. The antibody works by blocking a cell's production of the CD47 protein.”

In March, British scientists announced that common aspirin was proving to be a major deterrent to cancer.

7.      A volcano will erupt, spewing smoke and ash over a wide area.

Currently, there are 11 active volcanoes around the world. Tungurahua in Ecuador has been especially violent since last Friday. According to Discovery, “Numerous explosions have occurred with ash rising up to 8 km above the crater. So far small pyroclastic flows have descended the flanks and heavy ash fall has been affecting nearby areas.”

8.      A political contender will make a major gaffe when referring to President Obama.

“I don’t know whether Barack Obama was born in the United States of America. I don’t know that,” said U.S. Rep. Mike Coffman (CO) at the May 12 fundraiser. “But I do know this, that in his heart, he’s not an American. He’s just not an American.” Coffman apologized, which is the strategy of such people: make an outrageous claim and then apologize.

9.      U.S. unemployment rate will fall.

As of December 7, the U.S.unemployment rate is 7.7 percent, its lowest point since December 2008.

10.  President Barack Obama will be re-elected to a second term.

Another one that was way too easy. Of course, Obama was helped by extremist Republicans who tried to reignite the debate on birth control and women’s rights, what was duly labeled “the war on women.” I mean, really? Didn’t we have those debates 40 or 50 years ago?

My predictions: 9 of 10 came true! Ha, take that Nostradamus! 

Remember: Tomorrow...KA-BOOM! NOT!

FOUR DAYS TO DOOMSDAY…NOT!

Four days to KA-POW! Also know as Friday, December 21.

KA-POW came a little earlier to a doomsday cult in China. Recently the Chinese authorities have rounded-up more than 100 members of a Christian-inspired cult humbly calling themselves Almighty God. And, you guessed it Almighty God prophesied the world’s demise on December 21.

According to a report out of Beijing, the cultists were handing out doomsday literature and sending apocalyptic text messages before police began an extensive round-up. A Pamphlet taken by police read: "Dec. 21 is approaching, and on that day half of the world's good people will die, and all evil people will die out — only if you join the Almighty God movement can you avoid death and be saved. Great tsunamis and earthquakes are about to happen around the world."

One True Believer built a large houseboat for his family to save them from the doomsday tsunamis.
On a darker note, hours before the senseless murders at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut, a Chinese man entered an elementary school in rural China and stabbed 23 children. Chinese police say he was “influenced” by doomsday predictions.

And, speaking of China, a Chinese entrepreneur is selling apocalypse survival pods, dubbed Noah’s Arks. Priced at $50,000, the pods seat 14 people but can accommodate 30 people in a pinch. Those 30 people could survive for two months bouncing and bobbing on the waves.

“The pod won’t have any problems even if there are 1,000-meter-high waves… it’s like a ping pong ball, its skin may be thin, but it can withstand a lot of pressure,” the inventor explained.

Of course, if you want one for Doomsday…Not!, you’d better figure out how to get it here by Friday!

And finally, NASA has prepared a video that will be released on Saturday. It’s title? “Why the World Didn’t End Yesterday.” One NASA scientist who has been battling end of the world hype for several years has coined the word “cosmophobia,” people's fear of the cosmic unknown.

One pundit suggested NASA should have said something sooner…*sigh*

ONLY FIVE DAYS LEFT! NOT!

Okay, this is December 17. Only five days until the vague, unknown something or other will destroy the world...not! I’m betting a lot of the True Believers – idiots and morons – are blaming Obama. You know, “Hey, the world is ending and it’s the black guy’s fault!”

Anyway, if you have a hankerin’ to go some place cool for Armageddon/End of Days/the Apocalypse forget about anywhere near Mount Rtanj (I know! I never heard of it, either!) in the Carpathian Mountains. It’s pyramid-shaped and hence has attracted a lot of True Believers – repeat after me, idiots and morons – who are certain that Rtanj’s “mysterious powers will save them from the apocalypse.” Apparently, science fiction writer Arthur C Clarke once called the pointy peak “the naval of the world” and has a “special energy.” The I & T crowd think the peak is pyramidal ‘cause there’s a pyramid-shaped building inside.

Apparently, with all of that going for it, the hotels surrounding Mount Rtanj are booked solid with panicky True Believers and their equally panicky families. Hotel manager Obrad Blecic – I’m not making up these names, I hope you know – told a London newspaper that “in one day we had 500 people trying to book rooms. People want to bring their whole families.”

And just for a giggle, there’s this: The Canadian Medical Association’s Journal published a “study” in the Christmas issue by a group of oncologists mulling over the impact of the end of the world on medical clinical trials. They concluded that the “Mayan Doomsday ‘is bad.’” And that the “obliteration of the human race is going to make it very tough to see a difference in survival in people receiving experimental treatments versus those who aren't.”

The researchers added: "Oddly, despite censoring for major known sources of bias (e.g., astronauts currently aboard the International Space Station, as well as zombies, the undead, the Grateful Dead, Dungeons and Dragons players, men who have read Fifty Shades of Grey and other similar beings likely to be unaffected by the apocalypse), the obliteration group does not fall to 0. We have dubbed this slow rise in the obliteration curve the 'zombie repopulation.'"

Okay, the countdown is on!

NOTES FROM THE END OF DAYS

NASA has put up a page on its website to help people navigate the stupidity surrounding the Mayan Calendar end of the world prediction…not!

The problem is, true believers…idiots and morons…have stuffed this nonsense down a lot of people’s throats and some people are now experiencing health and mental problems as a result.

 

In Russia, women in a prison near the Chinese border experienced mass end-of-the-world hysteria and the warden had to bring in a priest to calm down the inmates. At the same time, the Russian minister of emergency situations issued a statement that the world was NOT coming to an end anytime soon, although the country was still vulnerable to "blizzards, ice storms, tornadoes, floods, trouble with transportation and food supply, breakdowns in heat, electricity and water supply."

Dr. Leonid Ogul, a member of the Australian Parliament pointed out that the endless barrage of end-of-the-world talk can’t help but impact some people.

''Everyone has a different nervous system, and this kind of information affects them differently. Information acts subconsciously. Some people are provoked to laughter, some to heart attacks, and some - to some negative actions,'' the doctor said.

You may recall that the village of Bugarach, France near the Pyrenees Mountains is an allegedly Doomsday refuge where, the idiots and morons believe they will be safe when the End of All Things occurs December 21. Unfortunately, according to Bugarach’s mayor, the village of 179 souls will be closed from December 18 through December 21.

In an interview with ABC News, NASA scientist David Morrison said he receives one or two emails a month from children of eleven or twelve telling him they are contemplating suicide to avoid the end of the world. Morrison also told the interviewer that one teacher told him the parents of a student were contemplating murdering their children and committing suicide to avoid Doomsday.

A gas mask wearing, machete wielding resident of San Diego told a reporter for the local ABC affiliate that December 21 “does possibly mean the end of the world. I do know about the Mayan calendar, I have done some research."

Yeah, he may have done “some research,” just not enough.

APPROACHING ARMAGEDDON . . . NOT!

I recently watched Seeking a Friend for the End of the World with Steve Carell and Keira Knightley. I highly recommend the film, which is not maudlin and depressing, but funny and poignant without being silly and sappy.

A scene of a bunker filled with would-be survivors – earth is about to be hit by a 70-mile wide asteroid – triggered thoughts of the preppers and survivalists gathering their goods together to protect themselves from the coming Apocalypse/Armageddon/End of Days/a black starting his second term in the White House…you know, whatever. It’s no secret that these guys are narcissists, fantasizing themselves as leaders of the new world after God-knows-what obliterates the current one. Rather than continue living as nobodies, they’ll emerge as a winner, the guy-with-the-plan to lead survivors.

The reality would probably be different. The first time they flexed their macho muscles and started ordering other people around, some belligerent mook will a) kick their butt, b) send them packing with their tail between their legs or c) ventilate their head with a couple of well-placed shots.

Still, with this being the much anticipated December 2012, there must be a great deal of quivering and quaking as the preppers prep for the New World Order!

So, okay, let ‘em buy their gas masks and extra ammo, their freeze dried steaks and potato flakes, the rest of us will muddle on because even with the threat of chemical weapons in Syria, the Muslim Brotherhood offering religious repression in Egypt, Black Friday specials available until Christmas Eve, we anticipate 2013 as another year of progress and hope.

OUR FINAL VISIT TO HISTORICAL ARMAGEDDONS

Okay, I’ve been absent from this blog too long. I admit it! I’ll guilty of blog-avoidance. The problem was predictability of the information I was finding. I thought there would be a lot of goofy stories, but there were a lot of redundant stories.

In 1980, an old Arabic astrological prediction was brought to light. According to the ancients, “when the planets Saturn and Jupiter would be in conjunction in the sign Libra at 9 degrees, 29 minutes of that sign,” oops! It would be the end of the world. At about midnight, December 31, 1980, the scary configuration just about took place. “Jupiter was at 9 degrees, 24 minutes, and Saturn was at 9 degrees, 42 minutes, so the calculation was close to correct.” And, guess what? Nothing happened.

In 1970, the often wrong Jeane Dixon predicted that in the mid-80s, a comet would strike earth. She claimed to know the location, but didn’t tell anyone. At the time, she said it would become “known as one of the worst disasters of the 20^th century.” You think? I mean a comet smacking into earth would likely make life on the planet extinct so if by some miracle someone survived, they might well consider it the “worst disaster” ever!

Some biblical scholars predicted earth’s doom for 1996. Thus was their reasoning: “since one day with God equals one thousand years for Man, and that God labored at the creation of the universe for six days, Man should labor for six thousand years and then take a rest. Thus, using other scripturally derived numbers, the world should end sometime in 1996.” Gosh? It must have been a small ending.

And finally, our old pal Nostradamus in his Quatrain X-72 proclaimed July 1999 as the end. He wrote:

L'an mil neuf cens nonante neuf sept mois
Du ciel viendra grand Roy deffraieur
Resusciter le grand Roy d'Angolmois.
Auant apres Mars regner par bon heur.

The year 1999, seven months,
From the sky will come a great King of Terror:
To bring back to life the great King of the Mongols,
Before and after Mars to reign by good luck.

Scientists say that the life of a star such as our sun is about 10 billion years. The sun is in mid-life at about five billion years, give or take a few million. Thus human have a little time before the sun goes supernova and incinerates everything. The solar system will be extinct and we’ll be extinct. However, I pledge not to lose any sleep worrying about it.