Mitch Chase in the Decatur Daily
“I’ve already used the end-of-world excuse once — to postpone a long-overdue colonoscopy until at least the spring of 2013.
“A colonoscopy involves the insertion of a television camera up your own, personal ‘end of the world,’ which the medicos use to survey your lower innards for signs of cancer.”
Jonathan Milke in the Saskatchewan Record
"There is talk of a galactic alignment, when the Earth, the sun and Sagittarius A* (the supermassive black hole at the centre of the galaxy) will be in alignment (somehow), causing massive gravitational chaos.
This alignment and two or three others are based on astrological theories about galactic planes, the winter solstice, planetary conjunctions or the galactic dark rift.
"Nevermind Sagittarius A* is about six million times too far to cause gravitational effects on our solar system, the alignment in question actually happened in 1998 and there is no planetary conjunction or solstice alignment this December."
William Axford in Fenton Tri County Times
“Given humanity's track record for predicting the end of the world, there's a good chance that the world will survive to see 2013. In 2011 alone, there were at least three predictions for the end of the world. One of them came from Harold Camping, who predicted the Rapture on May 21. Camping then revised the date to Oct. 21 after the world survived his first prediction. Some people also feared that Comet Elenin's passing between the Sun and the Earth would cause catastrophic storms. None of the predictions came true.”
Joanne Shuttleworth in the Guelph Mercury (that in Canada)
“Personally, I’d rather go into the new year not knowing what’s going to happen. I have some plans, some goals, some wishes and dreams and right now, with the year all shiny and new, they are all within possibility. I hope when 2013 rolls around my 2012 calendar will show that I had more good events than bad. I wish the same for you.”
Jim Kent in the Rapid City Journal
“The bottom line, of course, is that no one knows what will take place on 12/21/12 at 11:11 p.m. And since there aren’t any ancient Mayans around to tell us what they anticipated for that date, if anything at all, it’s as open to conjecture as seeing into the future always is.
“The bottom line, of course, is that no one knows what will take place on 12/21/12 at 11:11 p.m. And since there aren’t any ancient Mayans around to tell us what they anticipated for that date, if anything at all, it’s as open to conjecture as seeing into the future always is.
“As for me, I’m leaning toward the possibility that the next Winter Solstice may signal the beginning of a positive new age. Of course, that’s something I look forward to in my own life with each new year.”
And finally…
Aprill Brandon in the Victoria Advocate
“I mean, if this is my last year on earth, I'll be damned if I'm going to spend it getting organized, being nicer to people and finally losing those pesky extra five pounds (OK, fine! 10! Not that it matters. Just more for the apocalypse to love).
“For example, if the world is going to end, one of my resolutions is to stop paying my rent and then use the money to go on an exotic trip. By the time the landlord goes through all the proper channels to get me kicked out, we'll all be dust (as will my rental, actually, thus making rent moot). HOWEVER, if the world does not end, that means I am now homeless.
“Likewise, if the world is going to end, I fully intend on eating bacon and drinking Scotch for breakfast every morning. But if Dec. 22 does dawn, that means I'm probably destined to die a painful and disease-riddled death at age 37.”
No comments:
Post a Comment