PREPPING FOR EVERYTHING AND A BOAT, TOO

Okay, today, March 29, 2012, marks the 100^th entry in this blog! A hundred! Who knew I was so full of…well, whatever.

Now, let’s talk some more about preppers! He’s a prepper, she’s a prepper, but I’m not a prepper! And, of course, when Doomsday comes along and I’m not sufficiently prepped, won’t my face be red?

A CNN article discusses a man who’s face won’t be red, although the same can’t be said for his bank account. This fellow guesstimates the expenses necessary to prepare for the Apocalpyse/Doomsday/Armageddon/End of Days or whatever doom-and-gloom scenario may be in excess of $130,000.

According to CNN, this gentleman, a writer of survival manuals, “believes that a shift in the Earth's poles is going to result in solar flares, volcanic eruptions and earthquakes that will throw the world into a nuclear meltdown. The dreaded event will occur on Dec. 21, when the Mayan calendar allegedly ends, he said.”

Okay, first of all, he’s tossed in everything but the kitchen sink. Holy crap, his delusion is so all-encompassing it appears he is trying to cover every possible base to justify spending $130,000. Also, and again, just in my opinion, his entire fantasy scenario is bullshit.

His plan is to hole up in a small bunker in South Africa – some distance from radiation and fallout – and then reemerge to build a new community with other survivors. I’d be willing to bet he envisions himself as a leader of that new community. In my experience – limited, yes, but still… -- preppers who envision building new communities invariably envision themselves as the leaders of that same new community.

He has stockpiled guns and ammo, of course, plus “water purification tablets, a drafting table for charting stars in the sky” survival books and – wait for this one – “condoms to use for carrying water.”

Right. And who knows, after Armageddon, he might encounter a horny female prepper just looking to get lucky. Although, if that is the case, why use condoms? Don’t the preppers plan to repopulate the world with progeny espousing their particular lifestyle?

Also, he wants to buy an “unsinkable” yacht to sail to his South African shelter. The problem is, the unsinkable yacht with its “double walls (that) are insulated with foam so that they are supposedly unable to capsize” is $100,000 and he can’t afford it.

Really? A measly $100,000 yacht? Yacht may be an exaggeration. I’m thinking enlarged dingy. Although it sounds better to say, “Hey, look at my unsinkable yacht” than “Hey, look at my unsinkable dingy.” (And I believe saying the latter can get you arrested in Alabama, Mississippi and Arizona, because the word “dingy” gets confused with obscenities.)