12-21-12 DAWNS! AS EXPECTED, WE’RE STILL HERE!

We can sigh in relief. We haven’t gone KA-BOOM!

Of course, we were never going to go KA-BOOM today. In fact, I visited December 21, 2012, The Official Website, and they have a post for the “Shocking 2013 Horoscope.”

Based on the feeds I have been getting via Google Alerts for the last year, news outlets all over the world are telling people to simmer down, the world is fine! China seems to be the most worrisome place. The God Almighty cult appears to have embedded the doomsday fear deep in the collective Chinese psyche.

In Belize, Mexico and other Maya-country nations, tourism is up. Parties, fine dining, festivals and other events are in full swing.

Of course, a lot of people are hunkering down in their basements or, better yet, their apocalypse shelters and waiting for whatever. Many are certain that when the smoke clears, they will pop out of their rabbit holes like Bugs Bunny and take command of the ragtag survivors – this, of course, would be implausible if the world went KA-BOOM –  thus assuring their status as heroes rather than their current standing as losers and misfits.

However, since we’re all still here, I am pointing my finger and laughing. The absurdity of it all is both comic and tragic! Mean-spirited people perpetrate a monstrous hoax on the world and while most of the world yawned and moved on with other stuff, a few gullible, sad people have slipped into despair and depression over an nonsensical event that was never going to happen.

So, this ends my IT’S END OF THE WORLD…OR NOT! blog. It’s been fun, illuminating and occasionally disheartening. But well worth the effort!

Merry Christmas! And many Happy New Years!

Adios!

MY PREDICTIONS FOR 2012

Early on in this blog, I made 10 predictions for 2012 as an exercise in how simple it is to cover the spread, so to speak. Now let’s see how I did as a soothsayer, prognosticator and latter-day seer.

1.      During the spring and early summer, areas of the American heartland will experience major flooding.

In June, eight inches of rain fell overnight in Minnesota and Duluth was deluged.

2.      Renewed violence will break out in the Middle East.

Too easy, really. Syria again flared up in February. Israel and the Palestinians were bombing each other hammer and tong until recently.

3.      A tyrannical dictator will be driven out of office.

I had hoped that Syrian President Bashar Assad – a real butcher and badman – would be deposed before the end of 2012, but thus far, he’s still in power. Search as I might, I can’t find another despot of note who was deposed in 2012. I strike out here!

4.      An iconic American movie star and Academy Award winner will die.

On July 7, Ernest Borgnine, 95, passed away. He won an Academy Award for his role as Marty in the film of the same name and easily qualifies as “iconic” given his numerous film roles and stint as McHale on McHale’s Navy.

5.      An earthquake will create widespread destruction and panic.

On May 20, a 6.0 magnitude earthquake hit the Emilia-Romagna region of northern Italy, killing six people, injuring scores more and toppling centuries-old churches and clock towers.

6.      A major medical breakthrough in cancer research will be announced.

“Researchers at Stanford University have recently developed an antibody that is showing great promise in cancer treatment research. Preliminary results of this antibody are yielding shrunken tumors, halted growth, and even complete elimination of tumors. The antibody works by blocking a cell's production of the CD47 protein.”

In March, British scientists announced that common aspirin was proving to be a major deterrent to cancer.

7.      A volcano will erupt, spewing smoke and ash over a wide area.

Currently, there are 11 active volcanoes around the world. Tungurahua in Ecuador has been especially violent since last Friday. According to Discovery, “Numerous explosions have occurred with ash rising up to 8 km above the crater. So far small pyroclastic flows have descended the flanks and heavy ash fall has been affecting nearby areas.”

8.      A political contender will make a major gaffe when referring to President Obama.

“I don’t know whether Barack Obama was born in the United States of America. I don’t know that,” said U.S. Rep. Mike Coffman (CO) at the May 12 fundraiser. “But I do know this, that in his heart, he’s not an American. He’s just not an American.” Coffman apologized, which is the strategy of such people: make an outrageous claim and then apologize.

9.      U.S. unemployment rate will fall.

As of December 7, the U.S.unemployment rate is 7.7 percent, its lowest point since December 2008.

10.  President Barack Obama will be re-elected to a second term.

Another one that was way too easy. Of course, Obama was helped by extremist Republicans who tried to reignite the debate on birth control and women’s rights, what was duly labeled “the war on women.” I mean, really? Didn’t we have those debates 40 or 50 years ago?

My predictions: 9 of 10 came true! Ha, take that Nostradamus! 

Remember: Tomorrow...KA-BOOM! NOT!

FOUR DAYS TO DOOMSDAY…NOT!

Four days to KA-POW! Also know as Friday, December 21.

KA-POW came a little earlier to a doomsday cult in China. Recently the Chinese authorities have rounded-up more than 100 members of a Christian-inspired cult humbly calling themselves Almighty God. And, you guessed it Almighty God prophesied the world’s demise on December 21.

According to a report out of Beijing, the cultists were handing out doomsday literature and sending apocalyptic text messages before police began an extensive round-up. A Pamphlet taken by police read: "Dec. 21 is approaching, and on that day half of the world's good people will die, and all evil people will die out — only if you join the Almighty God movement can you avoid death and be saved. Great tsunamis and earthquakes are about to happen around the world."

One True Believer built a large houseboat for his family to save them from the doomsday tsunamis.
On a darker note, hours before the senseless murders at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut, a Chinese man entered an elementary school in rural China and stabbed 23 children. Chinese police say he was “influenced” by doomsday predictions.

And, speaking of China, a Chinese entrepreneur is selling apocalypse survival pods, dubbed Noah’s Arks. Priced at $50,000, the pods seat 14 people but can accommodate 30 people in a pinch. Those 30 people could survive for two months bouncing and bobbing on the waves.

“The pod won’t have any problems even if there are 1,000-meter-high waves… it’s like a ping pong ball, its skin may be thin, but it can withstand a lot of pressure,” the inventor explained.

Of course, if you want one for Doomsday…Not!, you’d better figure out how to get it here by Friday!

And finally, NASA has prepared a video that will be released on Saturday. It’s title? “Why the World Didn’t End Yesterday.” One NASA scientist who has been battling end of the world hype for several years has coined the word “cosmophobia,” people's fear of the cosmic unknown.

One pundit suggested NASA should have said something sooner…*sigh*

ONLY FIVE DAYS LEFT! NOT!

Okay, this is December 17. Only five days until the vague, unknown something or other will destroy the world...not! I’m betting a lot of the True Believers – idiots and morons – are blaming Obama. You know, “Hey, the world is ending and it’s the black guy’s fault!”

Anyway, if you have a hankerin’ to go some place cool for Armageddon/End of Days/the Apocalypse forget about anywhere near Mount Rtanj (I know! I never heard of it, either!) in the Carpathian Mountains. It’s pyramid-shaped and hence has attracted a lot of True Believers – repeat after me, idiots and morons – who are certain that Rtanj’s “mysterious powers will save them from the apocalypse.” Apparently, science fiction writer Arthur C Clarke once called the pointy peak “the naval of the world” and has a “special energy.” The I & T crowd think the peak is pyramidal ‘cause there’s a pyramid-shaped building inside.

Apparently, with all of that going for it, the hotels surrounding Mount Rtanj are booked solid with panicky True Believers and their equally panicky families. Hotel manager Obrad Blecic – I’m not making up these names, I hope you know – told a London newspaper that “in one day we had 500 people trying to book rooms. People want to bring their whole families.”

And just for a giggle, there’s this: The Canadian Medical Association’s Journal published a “study” in the Christmas issue by a group of oncologists mulling over the impact of the end of the world on medical clinical trials. They concluded that the “Mayan Doomsday ‘is bad.’” And that the “obliteration of the human race is going to make it very tough to see a difference in survival in people receiving experimental treatments versus those who aren't.”

The researchers added: "Oddly, despite censoring for major known sources of bias (e.g., astronauts currently aboard the International Space Station, as well as zombies, the undead, the Grateful Dead, Dungeons and Dragons players, men who have read Fifty Shades of Grey and other similar beings likely to be unaffected by the apocalypse), the obliteration group does not fall to 0. We have dubbed this slow rise in the obliteration curve the 'zombie repopulation.'"

Okay, the countdown is on!

NOTES FROM THE END OF DAYS

NASA has put up a page on its website to help people navigate the stupidity surrounding the Mayan Calendar end of the world prediction…not!

The problem is, true believers…idiots and morons…have stuffed this nonsense down a lot of people’s throats and some people are now experiencing health and mental problems as a result.

 

In Russia, women in a prison near the Chinese border experienced mass end-of-the-world hysteria and the warden had to bring in a priest to calm down the inmates. At the same time, the Russian minister of emergency situations issued a statement that the world was NOT coming to an end anytime soon, although the country was still vulnerable to "blizzards, ice storms, tornadoes, floods, trouble with transportation and food supply, breakdowns in heat, electricity and water supply."

Dr. Leonid Ogul, a member of the Australian Parliament pointed out that the endless barrage of end-of-the-world talk can’t help but impact some people.

''Everyone has a different nervous system, and this kind of information affects them differently. Information acts subconsciously. Some people are provoked to laughter, some to heart attacks, and some - to some negative actions,'' the doctor said.

You may recall that the village of Bugarach, France near the Pyrenees Mountains is an allegedly Doomsday refuge where, the idiots and morons believe they will be safe when the End of All Things occurs December 21. Unfortunately, according to Bugarach’s mayor, the village of 179 souls will be closed from December 18 through December 21.

In an interview with ABC News, NASA scientist David Morrison said he receives one or two emails a month from children of eleven or twelve telling him they are contemplating suicide to avoid the end of the world. Morrison also told the interviewer that one teacher told him the parents of a student were contemplating murdering their children and committing suicide to avoid Doomsday.

A gas mask wearing, machete wielding resident of San Diego told a reporter for the local ABC affiliate that December 21 “does possibly mean the end of the world. I do know about the Mayan calendar, I have done some research."

Yeah, he may have done “some research,” just not enough.

APPROACHING ARMAGEDDON . . . NOT!

I recently watched Seeking a Friend for the End of the World with Steve Carell and Keira Knightley. I highly recommend the film, which is not maudlin and depressing, but funny and poignant without being silly and sappy.

A scene of a bunker filled with would-be survivors – earth is about to be hit by a 70-mile wide asteroid – triggered thoughts of the preppers and survivalists gathering their goods together to protect themselves from the coming Apocalypse/Armageddon/End of Days/a black starting his second term in the White House…you know, whatever. It’s no secret that these guys are narcissists, fantasizing themselves as leaders of the new world after God-knows-what obliterates the current one. Rather than continue living as nobodies, they’ll emerge as a winner, the guy-with-the-plan to lead survivors.

The reality would probably be different. The first time they flexed their macho muscles and started ordering other people around, some belligerent mook will a) kick their butt, b) send them packing with their tail between their legs or c) ventilate their head with a couple of well-placed shots.

Still, with this being the much anticipated December 2012, there must be a great deal of quivering and quaking as the preppers prep for the New World Order!

So, okay, let ‘em buy their gas masks and extra ammo, their freeze dried steaks and potato flakes, the rest of us will muddle on because even with the threat of chemical weapons in Syria, the Muslim Brotherhood offering religious repression in Egypt, Black Friday specials available until Christmas Eve, we anticipate 2013 as another year of progress and hope.

OUR FINAL VISIT TO HISTORICAL ARMAGEDDONS

Okay, I’ve been absent from this blog too long. I admit it! I’ll guilty of blog-avoidance. The problem was predictability of the information I was finding. I thought there would be a lot of goofy stories, but there were a lot of redundant stories.

In 1980, an old Arabic astrological prediction was brought to light. According to the ancients, “when the planets Saturn and Jupiter would be in conjunction in the sign Libra at 9 degrees, 29 minutes of that sign,” oops! It would be the end of the world. At about midnight, December 31, 1980, the scary configuration just about took place. “Jupiter was at 9 degrees, 24 minutes, and Saturn was at 9 degrees, 42 minutes, so the calculation was close to correct.” And, guess what? Nothing happened.

In 1970, the often wrong Jeane Dixon predicted that in the mid-80s, a comet would strike earth. She claimed to know the location, but didn’t tell anyone. At the time, she said it would become “known as one of the worst disasters of the 20^th century.” You think? I mean a comet smacking into earth would likely make life on the planet extinct so if by some miracle someone survived, they might well consider it the “worst disaster” ever!

Some biblical scholars predicted earth’s doom for 1996. Thus was their reasoning: “since one day with God equals one thousand years for Man, and that God labored at the creation of the universe for six days, Man should labor for six thousand years and then take a rest. Thus, using other scripturally derived numbers, the world should end sometime in 1996.” Gosh? It must have been a small ending.

And finally, our old pal Nostradamus in his Quatrain X-72 proclaimed July 1999 as the end. He wrote:

L'an mil neuf cens nonante neuf sept mois
Du ciel viendra grand Roy deffraieur
Resusciter le grand Roy d'Angolmois.
Auant apres Mars regner par bon heur.

The year 1999, seven months,
From the sky will come a great King of Terror:
To bring back to life the great King of the Mongols,
Before and after Mars to reign by good luck.

Scientists say that the life of a star such as our sun is about 10 billion years. The sun is in mid-life at about five billion years, give or take a few million. Thus human have a little time before the sun goes supernova and incinerates everything. The solar system will be extinct and we’ll be extinct. However, I pledge not to lose any sleep worrying about it.

MORE TIDBITS OF APOCALYPTIC LORE

PREPPER NEWS

Tim Ralston, an Arizona native, has spent about $10,000 getting his family ready for the end of the world. Oh, yeah, and in the process a weapon backfired and blew off half of his thumb. Don’t ya hate it when that happens?

Any way, Tim was planning to use a cargo container to make an underground shelter for his family. But, having blown off half his thumb, he went to plan B and found a nice cabin next door to another prepper. He and his new buddy are “…actually working out a program…to start building shelters and selling them."

Once again, Doomsday as a profit center. *sigh*

HALF BAKKER

Former televangelist Jim Bakker has an enormous $6 million dollar debt still unpaid to the IRS. I think we can all agree that there’s nothing worse than being in debt to the IRS. They are heartless, merciless, and vindictive and like the hounds of hell, they cannot be stopped. Until the debt is paid. Thus, Bakker is now hocking “survival products” to “help his true believers live through the coming apocalypse.” Now, I have to mention that among his offerings is “a $100 Silver Solution Total Body Cleanse Kit, which includes enemas.” A blog known as The Talking Points Memo compared Jim’s prices with other apocalypse-minded sellers and found that his goods are, in some case, priced 100 percent higher than the competition. Did we mention he owes the IRS $6 million smackers?

ALIEN INVASION COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU!

“On August 18th, 2013, the alien invasion will begin. The government has been under the thumb of these reptoids for years and now, the truth will be revealed. There will be rivers of blood and natural disasters on a scale that this world has never seen. The end of the world will come for many and the rest will be awakened to the fact that we are not free, have never been free and will never be free. We are under the thumb of a race that sees no value in our existence outside of slavery. We are mindless drones to them and when the 8th month of 2013 is upon us, they will show us their wicked hand.”

Wow! Scary stuff. The above comes from “Ringside Report: The heart of boxing.” The heart of boxing seems to be filled with UFO stuff, because that’s pretty much what dominates the site. Strange, eh?

So, to recap, the lizard-like folk that have already enslaved us will reveal their nefarious plans and, apparently, kill a bunch of us – I wonder if they have the cookbook “To Serve Man?” – because we are valueless. I also wonder if they’re afraid of the fierce mongoose. Mongeese? Mongooses?

And happy trails to you, too! 

APOCALYPTIC TIDBITS FROM HERE AND THERE

ITEM: The above photo showing Mercury, Venus and Saturn aligning over the pyramids on the Giza Plateau went viral recently and, no doubt had people screaming “End of days! End of days! Bring out our dead!” or peeing themselves in utter terror or, maybe, ecstasy. Alas, the photo is as phony as is the idea of a rogue planet poised to collide with earth. It was computer generated by Charles Marcello using Starry Night Pro, an astronomy software program. Of course, people gobbled it up as a sign of…something, a kind of fill in the blank application. It can signify whatever or what not or just nonsense.

ITEM: The Planetary Peace Broadcast, a 24-hour “global event focusing on three aspects of peace” will be transmitted on…wait for it…yes, that’s correct! December 21, 2012! It will be on the Internet as well as television and radio stations throughout the world. Created by planpeace.org, the Planetary Peace Broadcast will focus on three crucial themes: “peace among nations, peace with the environment of our planet, and peace within each individual.” All righty then, very touchy-feely and a date that is supposed to be the End of the World…NOT!

ITEM: “We're in the End Times, the imminent coming of Jesus Christ is at the door. This Board is about updating an event happening around the world. - Matthew 24 : The Signs of the End Times and the End of the Age Prepare for the Rapture.” The forgoing is from “2012 End Times.” I assume in January, it’ll be updated to “2013 End Times.” Just sayin’!

ITEM: Conservative columnist (and baseball aficionado) George Will tackled Doomsday in a recent column. Discussing decades of doom and gloom, he pointed out that people suffered from “apocalypse fatigue — boredom from being repeatedly told the end is nigh.” While George Will and I might only agree on baseball, I do admit I agree with him about Apocalypse Fatigue. However, I disagree with his typical conservative world view that denies global warming – “we’re having some hot weather – get over it.” – even in the face of massive data. Oh, well, we still have baseball.

ITEM: Dr. Matthew Ashton, a lecturer at Nottingham Trent University in the UK, points out in a recent article that “Doomsday predictions have been around for all of human history…” and that “there will always be the gullible and the foolish willing to believe any old nonsense. What's worrying in the modern world is the way sections of the media, politicians and the internet seem obsessed with panicking us into distraction.” He finds that the chief culprit in soreading doomsday misinformation is, of course, the media. “It's simply the case that bad news sells. No-one ever bought a newspaper which had the headline: 'Hey, things are basically OK'. This isn't the papers' fault though - it's ours. Generally we're more interested in bad things happening to people than good and we buy our news stories accordingly. If we didn't want to buy bad news, media sources would sell less of it.”

IT’S ALWAYS DOOMSDAY SOMEWHERE

Here it is August already. We’re rapidly closing in on December 21, the end of the world…not!

A few days ago in Bolivia, President Evo Morales announced that beginning December 21, 2012, Coca-Cola will be banned “to celebrate the end of capitalism” and “the beginning of the culture of life.”

Confusion reigned. Banning Coca-Cola? Really? Media outlets around the world ran articles that Bolivia was going to boot the world’s largest soft drink manufacturer.

Rising to his country’s defense, David Choquehuanca, Bolivia’s foreign minister, explained that December 21, 2012 was the day the Mayan lunar calendar enters a new cycle and “has to be the end of Coca-Cola, the end of selfishness, of division. The planets will line up after 26,000 years. It is the end of capitalism and the beginning of communitarianism.”

Okay. So Coca-Cola fosters selfishness and division and if it goes away, it’s all going to be rainbows and unicorns, right?

Turns out, Bolivia is not the only country annoyed with Coca-Cola. You can’t get the “Real Thing” in Cuba or North Korea. What is it with commies and America’s famous soft drink? And speaking of nut cases, Hugo Chavez, the charming leader of Venezuela, has asked his countrymen to stop with the “pause that refreshes” and instead drink Uvita, the grape juice produced by a state-run company. No capitalism there, right? (And wouldn’t that grape juice be oh-so-much-better if is was fermented in a nice oak cask for a year or so?)

Another article appeared a few days after the ban was announced: “Bolivian officials played down a recent pledge to ban Coca-Cola, saying the words were taken out of context. Their aim was to encourage locals to switch to a homemade peach soft drink instead of the famous American soda.”

Thus, when Bolivian Foreign Minister Choquehuanca declared December 21 as the end of Coca-Cola, he actually meant it was the beginning of Mocochinci, the drink made from dried peaches, according to Foreign Ministry spokesperson Consuelo Ponce.

Okay, I admit, not end of the world stuff, per se, unless you are a Bolivian hooked on Coca-Cola instead of the local soft drink that is just peachy. (Sorry. Sorry. It was there, I had to do it. I know it was wrong.)

DOOMSDAY, DOOMSDAY, DOOMSDAY!

Nature magazine, among the most respected scientific journals around, recently published a report from “22 international scientists, including biologists, geologists, paleontologists, ecologists and theoreticians (who claim) the global ecosystem could soon reach a tipping point as the human population and consumption rates continue to grow.”

That tipping point could cause an “abrupt change in the global ecosystem that may cause ‘a state shift’ in as soon as a few decades.” That global state shift occurs when from 50 to 90 percent of ecosystems are disrupted.

"Humans now dominate Earth, changing it in ways that threaten its ability to sustain us and other species," the report said.

While the researchers could not say what the consequences of a state shift might be, they “think it could trigger severe changes in world's agriculture, forests, water resources and fisheries.” In turn, these conditions might lead to the “widespread social unrest, economic instability and loss of human life.”

The Nature is, of course, being taken seriously by scientists, although probably not by politicians and industrialists; the former primarily concerned with votes and the latter largely concerned only with money.

The Nature did not reference Doomsday/Armageddon/End of Days. However, in the coming years there are some predicted and/or theorized catastrophes of note:

2013 Astrophysicist Piers van der Meer of the Netherlands theorizes the sun will explode. Do not, I repeat, do not hold your breath on this one.

2014 Astrophysicist Khabibullo Abdusamatov from Russia theorizes a new ice age will begin. That somehow flies in the face of the global climate changes.

2014 Bulgarian Clairvoyant Vanga predicts millions will die from chemical warfare that supposedly began in 2011. Again, not holding my breath.

2016 American Climatologist James Hansen theorizes that the glaciers will all melt, flood a great deal of the dry land. Am I glad I live in Denver, it may become beachfront property.

2018 And, of course, what list of predictions and theories would be complete without including everyone’s go-to guy for doom and gloom? That’s right, hysterics have interpreted one Nostradamus’s prediction to indicate there will be a nuclear war. Again, not holding my breath.

NOTES FROM THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE…NOT!

ITEM: Hornady Manufacturing Company, an American maker of ammunition and the largest independent producer of bullets in the world, has introduced Zombie Max ammunition. The company claims it is a response to the recent “flesh-eating” crimes that garnered so much (unnecessary) media attention. The Zombie Max bullets are designed “for those who want to be ready and fully-equipped for what the company calls ‘a Zombie Apocalypse.’”

ITEM: (from the Allentown Morning Call) “…it was reported, a 43-year-old Hackensack man committed his own version of the Japanese ritual of seppuku (Americans call it harakiri) and threw pieces of his intestines at police officers. He survived, as did the police, but people in the neighborhood said he had been acting like a ‘zombie.’”

ITEM: Todd Credeur, a resident of Lafayette Parish, Louisiana, was doing yard work when his neighbor, 43-year-old Carl Jacquneaux appeared and, Credeur alleges, attacked him. In what was described as a “cannibal-type attack,” Jacquneaux bit his neighbor’s face, removing a quarter-sized piece of flesh from his cheek. According to Credeur, he stopped the attack by “spraying wasp poison into the attacker's eyes.”

ITEM: All the hype and hysteria over the “Zombie Apocalypse”… prompted Jack Simons of North Carolina to create a “Zombie Apocalypse Survival Course.” A dozen or so people laid now $50 to $75 each to attend the first one. Simons is essentially teaching a survival course with “a zombie theme.” In fact, Simons believes “high crime rates are the first sign to a zombie apocalypse.”

ITEM: And finally this bizarre tale. Beachcombers near San Francisco ran across tombstones. That’s right tombstones that washed up on the beach. Maybe. No, not really. While some tried to suggest it was another sign of a coming zombie apocalypse, in reality they were old tombstones that were deposited there as a seawall more than a century ago. Sound sacrilegious? Well, here’s the story: Back at in the early days of the last century, developers, anxious to expand San Francisco, pressured the city to close the Laurel Hill cemetery and relocate its cliental. The dead were relocated to Colma – as if they cared – although many grave makers were left behind and were subsequently used by emergency erosion crews to brace the beach. Hence, no zombie apocalypse, no floating granite tombstones, just more fodder for the True Believers (idiots/morons) to get excited over and pee themselves.

CDC ADDRESSES ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

Back again!

I’ve mentioned that the Center for Disease Control uses a “zombie apocalypse” as a fun method to teach emergency preparedness. Of course recently there have been a rash of cannibal “zombie attacks” around the country that the simple-minded, raging hysterics and out and out idiots have tried to interpret as a coming zombie apocalypse.

Thus, in light of all that, the CDC has produced “Prepared 101: Zombie Pandemic,” an online graphic novel demonstrates the importance of emergency preparedness.

“Readers follow Todd, Julie, and their dog Max as a strange new disease begins spreading, turning ordinary people into zombies. Stick around to the end for a surprising twist that will drive home the importance of being prepared for any emergency. Included in the novel is a Preparedness Checklist so that readers can get their family, workplace, or school ready before disaster strikes.”

The graphic novel is interesting and entertaining while offering valuable information. It can be accessed here: http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies/#/page/1

BACKYARD APOCALYPSE

I’m back….!

Okay, okay, stop! Please, no booing and hissing!

Anyway, one reason, well, okay, the main reason I took a little time off was the obvious redundancy of what I had to say.

Of course, as the year progresses, things are heating up. A woman in Mexico did terrible things to her child as an offering or something to the coming End of the World…Not and there have been more suicides and Apocalypse-spawned insanity. A 37-year-old-man in Maryland confessed to killing and eating parts of a college student living with his family. Prompted by the media, the Center for Disease issued a statement that even in light of several bizarre cannibalistic attacks around the country there is no pending zombie apocalypse.

However, all of that was just routine end of the world stuff. And then I read about the gnomes.

Not just any gnomes, either. Zombie gnomes.

Don’t watch the skies, rather watch your begonias and iris, keep a sharp eye on your rose bushes and black-eyed Susan. The little sucker might be lurking under any tree, shrub or bush.

A couple of California (where else?) artists came up with the idea of “zombie garden gnomes.” Chris Stever and Jane DeRosa fashioned a series of zombified gnomes, ranging from Patient Zero with a half-melted face to Doomsday Dan, a latter-day gnome preacher who believes the zombie apocalypse is a plague from heaven.

One of the art pieces entitled Bye Bye Birdie (see above), depicts zombie gnomes devouring a pink flamingo lawn decoration.

The artists sell their creations for prices ranging from $21 for a solo gnome to $55 for Bye Bye Birdie.

Additionally, there’s a gnome survivor complete with shotgun.

And who says the Apocalypse can’t be fun?

FOLLOW-UP ON THE FOLLOW UP TO ZOMBIE ATTACK

(Note: It’s come to my attention that a daily blog is boring to bejesus out of my readers. Hence, after today, new posting will be far less frequent.)

I figured after yesterday’s follow-up to the Miami “zombie attack” that it would be the end of the story. However, I happened upon an article entitled “Zombie Apocalypse or Sign of the Devil? Attacker Preached Bible to Friends Says Girlfriend.” It was published in the Christian Post.

Now I try to be careful when it comes to religion. Many a story I’ve read that would make good fodder here, but I have by-passed them so as not to alienate any readers. However, this article really intrigued me.

“Those who knew the attacker…say that he was ‘battling the devil.’" As opposed to bath salts? As you’ll recall, Rudy Eugene, the crazed “zombie” that ate a homeless man’s face before police shot and killed him to stop the attack, was high on bath salts.

In this article, the writer states that “some conspiracy theorists who believe that an actual zombie attack may be imminent.

“Two other incidents in May resulted in arrests when an Illinois man bit the cheek of an 18 year-old girl. Only two days later a California man bit the tip off of his cousin's nose.”

Rudy Eugene’s girlfriend naturally hates the “zombie” moniker placed on her dead boyfriend’s memory. "He was a person. I don't want him to go down like that," she told the Miami Herald.

Apparently, Eugene was a godly person who carried the Word to anyone in need. However, he was “going through a lot with his family" and, while a “sweet” person, he had been a “heavy marijuana” user. “His girlfriend blames the attack on Eugene either being drugged or a supernatural occurrence.”

His best friend told the Herald that "Rudy was battling the devil."

So, apparently, the devil told him to eat a homeless man’s face?

I don’t know, it’s a stretch.

Eugene may have been “battling the devil” figuratively speaking, but I don’t think it was an actual knock-down-drag-out with the Prince of Darkness; not unless his infernal majesty brought the bath salts.

And, bye the bye, in late May, the U.S. Senate passed ban on some bath salts and sent the bill to the House of Representatives.

FOLLOW-UP TO MIAMI “ZOMBIE ATTACK”

A few days back I reported the incident in Miami when one man, subsequently gunned down by police, attacked another man who was homeless and savagely gnawed on his face. Scores of articles appeared in my Google Alerts about “Miami’s Zombie Apocalypse.”

So, okay, that’s a little over-the-top. But given our media these days, who can be surprised?

Anyway, it turns out, the “zombie” in question, one Rudy Eugene, was high on…wait for it…bath salts! That’s right bath salts. One article called it the “new over the bodega counter drug.”

The Miami police announced it so it’s more than simple scandal mongering. The cops told the media that the bath salts cause people “to go completely insane and become very violent.”

While illegal in several states, bath salts are “particularly insidious because there is no federal ban on them.”

“Despite the harmless name of the drug, the chemical makeup is complex and toxic. The DEA classifies bath salts in the same group as mescaline, a mind altering compound not dissimilar to LSD.”

However, unlike LSD, bath salts “typically create intense sensations of anger and agitation, increased heart rate and blood pressure (and) LSD-like delusions and hallucinations.”

An article in New York Magazine last year clarified the impact of bath salts. Selling for $25 to $50 per 250 to 500 milligram jars, the bath salts are sold :in “convenience stores, discount tobacco outlets, gas stations, pawnshops, tattoo parlors, truck stops,” according to the DEA. To get around regulations, the jars are marked “not for human consumption.”

The salts are “snorted; less regularly, injected, smoked, atomized, or swallowed.” Yummy, eh!

The initial rush is compared “to the surge of positive energy triggered by cocaine.” However, hallucinations follow during a “scarily lingering high” that can last for as much as 48 hours and, one user reported taking 10 days to feel normal again. After the initial dose, the urge to “re-dose” is reported to be incredibly powerful.

It’s reported that side effects are “mild,” unless of course, you start eating other people.

RARE PLANETARY ALIGNMENT BEGINS TODAY

Today, June 5, begins a rare solar system event. And, while I suppose some Doomsday True Believers (morons/idiots) are pedaling it as a sign of the End of Days, in reality it’s just a very cool occurrence.

NASA reports that Venus will pass across the sun today and tomorrow, June 5 and 6. “Although the entire eclipse will be visible from certain countries, in the US it will only be visible as it begins on June 5. The sun will set before the event ends.”

This occurrence happens only twice a century. I happened in 2004 and now in 2012. That’s it, apparently, for the 21^st century.

There will be no earthquakes, no gravitational realignments, no End of Days nonsense. Since looking directly at the sun to see the event is a dandy way to burn out your corneas, the entire spectacle will be carried live on a space camera at http://events.slooh.com.
So, no doom and gloom today, just a cool event that needed to be noted.

PROFITEERING IN THE GUISE OF BENEVOLENCE IS STILL EXPLOITATION

The following is from a widely-distributed press release.

“With economic chaos reigning across the globe, Iran and North Korea rattling their sabers, and the ever-present threat of domestic terrorism, Americans understand the importance of self-reliance and preparedness. There's even a new TV show on the National Geographic Channel called ‘Doomsday Preppers’ that highlights the extreme measures that some people take to protect themselves and their families from a disaster situation.”

Thus, the United States Gold Bureau is partnering with Wise Food Storage Company (an “official sponsor of “Doomsday Preppers” on the National Geographic Channel) “to offer a selection of emergency survival products that can help Americans survive through a crisis situation, if the worst-case scenario ever happens.”

Twice in the press release the reader is reminded that “the risk of a child born today suffering an early death due to nuclear war is at least 10%, according to a notable Stanford professor.”

Now, as any regular reader of this blog knows, I encourage people to prepare for disasters with a three day supply of food and water, an emergency kit with candles or other alternative lighting sources, blankets, a First Aid kit and so forth. However, I’m just cynical enough to look askance at the implied benevolence of such companies as the United States Gold Bureau and Wise Food Storage Company who are, after all, simply out to make a buck. If scare tactics work, so be it.

“To help Americans prepare for the worst, the U.S. Gold Bureau and Wise Food Storage Company have teamed up to offer a line of emergency survival products that include long-term foods, survival gear and gold and silver currency.”

Of course they have.

“Though we like to stay positive about the future outlook for our country, it's only smart to be prepared for whatever may come,” said Dave Williams, CEO of the United States Gold Bureau. “That’s why we’re working with Wise Foods to offer our clients the products they need to not only survive hard times, but to thrive while others may be suffering.”

Dubbed “American Eagle Endurance,” the new line of survival products includes “a mix of emergency gear and food stocks provided by Wise Food combined with a supply of silver and gold coins provided by the U.S. Gold Bureau.”

“For customers who truly want to prepare for what’s to come, we offer great-tasting food with a shelf life of up to a 25 years, along with survival kits that include gear like flashlights, sleeping bags, water filtration kits, rope and more,” said Jason Streiff of Wise Food. “But we recognize it’s impossible to stock everything you need for the long-term, so that’s when you need to be prepared to barter or buy additional supplies. And this is why we are partnering with the U.S. Gold Bureau.”

“Though we like to stay positive about the future outlook for our country….” Bla, bla, bla. In addition to the 10 percent chance of a nuclear war, the release adds that “NASA has started a website to track the likelihood of an asteroid hitting the earth.” Even though that likelihood of a major asteroid hitting earth is remote. And, of course, there is much discussion of worldwide economic collapse.

“’We may not like to think about the worst-case scenario,” said Williams, “but it’s even scarier to think about what could happen if you’re not prepared.’ Through the partnership between Wise Foods and the U.S. Gold Bureau, Americans who already own silver and gold can use their precious metals to purchase their emergency supplies in advance, rather than using cash or credit, before a disaster strikes.”

Bottom line here is the bottom line for the United States Gold Bureau and Wise Food Storage Company. Of course they don’t want to see a disaster, they just want people to believe there’s one in the offing and turn to American Eagle Endurance for comfort.

Profiting from other people’s paranoia and hysteria is neither illegal nor un-American. In fact, it’s very American. However, wrapping it all up in a vain attempt to look like a benevolent enterprise is, at the very best, amoral.

And please note, we are under 200 days until End of the World…Not!

WYOMING GUN SALES SPIKE…BLAME OBAMA

According to a couple of Wyoming gun dealers, a recent heavy demand for guns has spiked sales for two compelling reasons: “doomsday concerns” and gun owners who fear that President Obama will “try to limit sales of guns and ammunition if he is re-elected.”

Not to mention that “there’s a black man in our precious White House!”

This thinly veiled racism has dogged the president since he was elected. To his credit, he does not play the race card. I am not that much of a high road traveler. So much of the Prepper/survivalist mentality is tied to the fact that Obama is America’s first black president it’s sickening. Their entire internal identity is “White Superiority.” They can’t come out and say it on air, but the reality is all the concerns about “economic collapse,” another war abroad, another terrorist attack is really the Preppers’ way of saying, “Hey, there’s a black man in our precious White House!”

“The election and people who think the U.S. is going to collapse or something,” explained Sean Wagner, operator of Rocky Mountain Discount Sports in Casper accounting for the increased gun sales. “People come in and buy loads of freeze-dried food and all kinds of survival-type stuff.”

Among his bestsellers are the expected hunting rifles and handguns as well as short-barrel riot shotguns and assault rifles like the military uses.

Several blogs back I mentioned that arms manufacturer Ruger has suspended new orders since they have a backlog of a million orders that they need to fill. Additionally, Strum, another manufacturer, “suspended new orders after receiving orders for more than one million guns in the first three months of the year.” (By the way, the report about Ruger and Strum comes from Fox News, so it may or may not be true.)

The owner of Frontier Arms in Cheyenne told a reporter that the heavy demand for weapons “will go on for the rest of the year mainly because of the election.”

There are rumors of new gun laws. For example, after a spat of homicides and shooting in Seattle last week, some Washington legislators are talking about new legislation. Personally, I’m not convinced legislators can do much to curb gun violence. Maybe if they focused on creating jobs by attracting new business and industry with tax incentives and attractive real estate deals they would have better luck. People with jobs are less likely to shoot on another (except maybe at the post office).

Of course, no matter what happens, some people will blame Obama because, ““Hey, there’s a black guy in our precious White House! End of Days! End of Days!”