AMID THE BALONEY, IGNORANCE IS CURABLE

I thought I’d use this extra Leap Day to remind us all about the 2012 silliness.

"I've been involved for a long time in debunking bad ideas about astronomy,” explained Phil Plait, an astronomer and astrophysicists during a lecture last November at the University of Texas-Pan American.

"They come up with these doomsday scenarios of giant planets that are going to swing by the Earth and kill us all and in 2012 the sun is going to align with a black hole in the center of the galaxy. These are invariably wrong and I can show that because we are still here."

Author of "Death from the Skies," Plait addressed the myths that surround real science such as astronomy.

Case in point, the film Armageddon. Crunching the numbers presented in the film for the size of the asteroid approaching earth and the necessary power to split it into halves, Plait found the following:

"It turns out using all these numbers, if you're a giant dork like I am, you can actually do the math and say how fast these two halves have to separate," Plait said. "I can figure out how big their bomb had to be. The bigger the bomb, the faster they spread apart. So I was able to calculate how much energy that bomb gave off in the movie, it turns out that bomb gave off more energy than the sun."

When the audience was allowed to ask questions, the “planetary alignment” of 2012 came up.

"2012 is 100 percent utter bologna and I'm being polite," he said. "There is nothing to it. The Mayan calendar does not end on 2012, this is what it's based on. It didn't end in 2012, it's just the next cycle. On December 21 at midnight, the earth doesn't get destroyed by something. The Mayan calendar is like an odometer in a car, it just gets turned over. So there's no reason to think the earth is going to end. "

As for the alignment of the planets, Plait again emphasized the "bologna" of it all. Planets, he explained, do not line up in a straight line and when they do line up the combined gravity is only two percent of the moon’s gravity.

"The moon orbits the earth in an ellipse, sometimes its closer, sometimes it’s further. And it turns out when it's closer to us, its gravity is more than two percent stronger. And that happens every month," Plait said. "So if the planetary alignment could wipe us out in 2012, the moon would be doing it every month."

At the end of his presentation, Plait pointed out that, unlike stupidity, "Ignorance is curable."

END OF THE WORLD? WELL, NOT EXACTLY, BUT CLOSE…

If you’re like me, the Internet is more than just a friendly tool, it’s a window on the world, a place to browse and shop, oogle and Google. It’s amazing and sometimes a little spooky. But it has changed the world, I think, for the better.

So anyway, Anonymous, the worldwide alliance of superior hackers, has vowed that “On March 31, the Internet will go Black.” (That’s from the official announcement). They will be protesting “SOPA, Wallstreet, our irresponsible leaders and the beloved bankers who are starving the world for their own selfish needs out of sheer sadistic fun.”

Not only has Anonymous said they’ll make the Internet go black, they lay it all out there. “In order to shut the Internet down, one thing is to be done. Down the 13 root DNS servers of the Internet.” And they proceed to list the numerical IDs of the 13 servers in question.

Ballsy.

Anonymous further explains: “By cutting these off the Internet, nobody will be able to perform a domain name lookup, thus, disabling the HTTP Internet, which is, after all, the most widely used function of the Web. Anybody entering "http://www.google.com" or ANY other url, will get an error page, thus, they will think the Internet is down, which is, close enough. Remember, this is a protest, we are not trying to 'kill' the Internet, we are only temporarily shutting it down where it hurts the most.

“While some ISPs use DNS caching, most are configured to use a low expire time for the cache, thus not being a valid failover solution in the case the root servers are down. It is mostly used for speed, not redundancy.”

There’s a lot of techno-speak that eludes me so I will leave it out of this.

Anonymous concludes:

“Since the attack will be using static IP addresses, it will not rely on name server resolution, thus enabling us to keep the attack up even while the Internet is down. The very fact that nobody will be able to make new requests to use the Internet will slow down those who will try to stop the attack.

“‘He who sacrifices freedom for security deserves neither.’ -- Benjamin Franklin

“We know you wont' listen. We know you won't change. We know it's because you don't want to. We know it's because you like it how it is. You bullied us into your delusion. We have seen you brutalize harmless old women who were protesting for peace. We do not forget because we know you will only use that to start again. We know your true face. We know you will never stop. Neither are we. We know.

*  We are Anonymous.

*  We are Legion.

*  We do not Forgive.

*  We do not Forget.

*  You know who you are, Expect us.”

All righty then, I guess there’s nothing to do now but wait to see what happens!

Oh, and I mention all of this because a day without the Internet will be much like Doomsday! At least to some of us.

(If, while reading this, you're wondering why the spacing is off, so am I.)

MARRYING AT THE END OF DAYS!

Even for those of us who are romantically challenged, this is kinda cool.

Dallas suburbanites Janelle Franklin and Abel Garcia, Jr. were told during a Valentines Day press conference in Frisco, Texas, that the were winners of “the Grand Prize wedding and honeymoon package in a pretty extraordinary contest, the Maya Marriage of Many.”

Now this is no small deal. I image my wedding ran about $69.95; however, this Grand Prize wedding package – one of 12 – is valued at $16,030. The package includes an “exotic wedding ceremony and a honeymoon by Lara Goldman of Romantic Travel Belize in conjunction with luxury wedding planner Lisa Light of Light Destination Bride and celebrity photographer Terry Gruber” (and let’s hope Lara, Lisa and Terry are not going on the honeymoon with Janelle and Abel because that would be wrong and would only serve to feed the twisted fantasies of sickos and weirdos everywhere).

This magical marriage will take place in the Mayan Mountains of Belize on the steps of the 3200-year-old ancient Mayan Palace of Cahal Pech on 12/12/12.

Although Janelle and Abel are the Grand Prize winners, 11 other couples from around the world will be selected to participate, too.

“The 12.12.12 Event is being held in honor of the last remaining days of the 5126 year old Mayan calendar and the beliefs of many will be tested as time ticks down in 2012,” the press announcement reads. “On December 21, 2012, the world as we know it will end – or so it's thought by those who believe the culmination of the 5126 year old Mayan calendar signals the end of time. Of course, the Maya who still live in Belize, would beg to differ. Many of the Maya in Belize, the epicenter of the ancient Mayan world, reject popular doomsday scenarios and instead see the calendar's end as a joyous time of spiritual rebirth, renewal and new beginnings.”

Also according to the press release, "Janelle and Abel are an amazing couple and the perfect representatives of the Maya Marriage of Many. Janelle was born overseas, and they got engaged on the Eiffel Tower (they climbed it!), so their international flair is just perfect for this event. I could not have hand chosen a better couple to win this package. I look forward to spending the year with them," said Lara Goldman, owner of Romantic Travel Belize and contest organizer. "With the Big Reveal behind us and our cornerstone couple in place, now the attention shifts to the remaining 11 couples whose stories will be woven into the fabric of Mayan culture and tradition with this exclusive historical event."

Oh, that’s all so sappy I wantta puke!

And…and did you catch Lara’s quote: “I look forward to spending the year with them." Whole crap! I wonder if Janelle and Abel understand that Lara Goldman of Romantic Travel Belize is going to be with them for a year! A whole, freakin’ year! That’s just wrong! Although…

SONG AND DANCE AT THE END OF DAYS!

According to the arts column in the South Florida Gay News, The former beauty queen (“Miss Richfield, Minn. 1981”) debuted her new show, 2012 – We’ll All Be Dead by Christmas, recently to kick off the 2012 Winter Party Festival.

First of all, if you’re a former beauty queen does that mean you got ugly? “The former beauty queen, current uglo…” That’s just not right.

The debut was a benefit for the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.

The “Midwestern maven” celebrated the coming Mayan apocalypse “with songs, videos and lots of audience ‘activities.’”

As an incentive to attend, audience members had a chance to win tickets to the 2012 Winter Party Festival, the “hottest party of the year, which draws more than 10,000 participants.”

And, I hope a good time was had by all. This is a much more appropriate way to celebrate the End of Days than stockpiling years and years worth of freeze-dried foods and running around the woods like a mook in camo screaming “End of Days! End of Days!”

In Riverside, California, the latest edition of “Comedy Apocalypse” is entitled the “Earth-Shattering Mayan Calendar Edition.” The show features three comedy heavyweights including Greg Fitzsimmons, a four-time Emmy winner as a writer for “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” Dean Edwards, a stand-up comedian famous for his impersonations of Michael Jackson, Eddie Murphy, Serena Williams and Denzel Washington and Brent Weinbach, a comedian who has been featured on a number of comedy and talk shows as well as the comedy circuit.

And while we’re on the subject of shows about the End of the World, Tony Award winner and frequently TV gust star Christine Ebersole has a new show at the Café Carlyle in the Big Apple entitled, appropriately, The End of the World As We Know it Cabaret.

Isn’t that great? Armageddon as a cabaret. If you’ve got to go, go out singing and dancing.

Ms. Ebersole’s show is a “beautifully put-together 60-minute piece,” in which she “once more pulls off the seemingly impossible (or at least improbable): combing scathing political commentary, heartfelt anecdotes about her family, and an incredibly eclectic song-list into an act that's not just coherent, but often transcendent.”

That’s what I’m talking about! Doomsdays should be Happy-to-Be-Alive Days!

ARMAGEDDON IT ON!

Yet another survey by the National Geographic Channel and Kelton Research found some more interesting results when Americans were asked about Doomsday.

For one thing, as I mentioned here a week or two ago regarding the other Nat Geo survey, about 85 percent of respondents felt they were “underprepared” for a major catastrophe.

When they were asked: "Which of the following would you most likely do if you thought the world might end tomorrow?"

27 percent said, "Resolve any feuds or disagreements with loved ones."

24 percent said, "Have sex."

My thinking is 24 percent would have sex is pretty low. I would think that everybody would want to get laid the day before Armageddon. I mean, it’s Doomsday! You’re not going to get another shot at it (so to speak).

Well, of the 24 percent of “the randy respondents were exactly twice as likely to be male as female.” In other words, dudes planning to have sex out numbered when two to one. That could be inconvenient come Doomsday eve.

But that men out number women in this preference two to one is no surprise. Not really. Guys being guys and sex being sex and, well, you know...

Still, consider that a about one in four people would mend fences with relatives – no bad blood on the other side – and then run off to have sex because, in the scheme of things, Doomsday would be the coitus interruptus of all coitus interruptus (or interrupti?).  

MORE DOOMSDAYS HISTORIES

1704
Cardinal Nicholas de Cusa greatly annoyed the Catholic Church in general and the Vatican in particular when he declared that the End of Days would occur in 1704. When they did not occur, undoubtedly de Cusa was understandably embarrassed and the Vatican remained annoyed.

May 19, 1719
Jacques Bernoulli, also known as Jakob I, was the progenitor of a long line of famous Swiss mathematicians from Berne. He is famous for discovering a mathematical series now called the Bernoulli Numbers as well as for being the first of eight other amazingly talented mathematicians produced from his line over the course of three generations. However, Jacques also wanted to be famous for prognosticating the end of the world (and who doesn’t?) when he announced that the comet that had passed in 1680 was returning in 1719 and would destroy the world. Unfortunately for Jacques and fortunately for the rest of us, the comet did not reappear and, as you may note, the world did not end.

October 13, 1736
William Whiston, an English theologian, mathematician and historian, proclaimed in London that the world was coming to an end on October 13, 1736 when a comet would slam into our planet. The good folks of London flooded the Thames with boats filled with citizens anxiously anticipating the end. Their anxieties gradually diminished as time passed and the earth continued spinning unfazed by rogue comets.

1757
Emmanuel Swedenborg, an amazingly arrogant and egotistical theologian/mystic/spiritualist who frequently sought the spotlight and loved to bask in the attention and adoration of others, claimed to have had a chat a flock of angels who informed him that 1757 was the End of Days. Not only did few pay any attention to his pronouncement, but apparently the angels were big fat liars.

April 5, 1761
William Bell (no, not the William Bell portrayed by Leonard Nimoy on the Fox’ TV series “Fringe”), the 18^th century soldier and religious fanatic noted that there were 28 days between the earthquake of February 8, 1761 and the earthquake of March 8, 1761, he quite naturally concluded that in another 28 days – April 5, 1791 – an enormous earthquake would cause the earth to crumble. A few True Believers (and what do we say about them? Idiots and morons!) accepted his pronouncement as true and boated onto the Thames to await the crumbling of the earth (no one explained exactly how boating would save anyone if the earth did, indeed, crumble). More than a few suggested Bell would have been better served if he had selected April 1 since having made a fool of himself, the good people of London had him tossed into Bedlam, London’s nefarious madhouse. From that point on, Bell is lost to history.

1774
The final big pronouncement of the End of Days made during the 18^th century came from a woman named Joanna Southcott. An English sect leader, she decided to let folks know that not only was she pregnant, but she was carrying the New Messiah. Joanna said she was going to name this New Messiah Shiloh. Naturally, if her child was the Messiah, then it would definitely be the End of Days. Unfortunately, records show that her pregnancy "came to nothing" and there was no End of Days. In this case, “came to nothing” means she never had a baby. Anyway, Joanna left a box of “mystical notes” that she said must be opened in the presence of 24 bishops. Unfortunately, no one could find 24 bishops who were fired up enough to attend the box opening and it remained sealed. In fact, it disappeared into antiquity.

There is some discrepancy here. Some sources say she made the announcement of her pending imaginary pregnancy in 1814, when she was pushing 65. Either way, she lied.

Oh, and by the way, after today there are only 300 days left until we can laugh and point at the True Believers (idiots/morons) who believe December 21, 2012 in End of Days!

WATCH THE WORLD END

Jean Marc Bosque, historian and watchmaker with a keen interest in Mayan culture, has crafted Kukulkan, a new Swiss wristwatch named for the Mayan god who created the universe.

This is another, kind of cool, example of people profiting (as opposed to prophesying), the end of time. Bosque’s watch will be available to purchase until December 21, 2012.

Calling his creation a tribute to the Maya civilization, he explained in a presentation in Mexico that he "wanted to make a watch featuring a very strong symbol.” Hence he turned to the Maya solar calendar for its “precision" and the “very strong symbolism” of Mesoamerican culture.

On the back of the watch is an engraving of the Maya calendar. The watch’s face is, of course, Kukulkan, described by Bosque as a "symbol of revenge, of taking power."

Rather than Roman or Arabic numerals, he used Mayan numbers to mark the hours on the watch face and used Latin American gemstones to enhance the whole package.

Bosque introduced three models: one of steel of which he is making 2012 with gemstones, a second batch of 219 steel watches with diamonds and 12 gold watches.

Now, before you get out your checkbooks or Black American Express card – the “Sky’s the Limit” super exclusive card – consider what the watches cost. (Well, if you have a Black American Express card, you don’t care what they cost). The regular ol’ plain steel with gemstones runs about $13,086. The fancier steel watch with diamonds costs $23,880 and the crème-de-la-crème gold watch with Colombian emeralds runs a hefty $398,000. If you want one of the gold babies, you’ll have to get hold of Bosque directly.

Bosque makes the watches in Switzerland; however, he is having the cases for the watches crafted in Mayan communities on the Yucatan Peninsula.

While, on the one hand, Bosque is profiting from the “End of the World,” on the other hand, he’s also adding a little class to all the silliness.

OMG! A SECOND MAYA REFERENCE!

Back in November, there was a lot of rumbling about a second Maya reference to the End of the World. Apparently, Mexico’s National Institute of Anthropology and History, the country’s archaeology institute, reluctantly reported that a “carved fragment” was found in the Tortuguero site in Mexico’s Gulf state of Tabasco.

Known as the “Comalcalco Brick,” the damning fragment’s inscription is on the face of a brick.

Yip, that’s it. An inscription on the face of a brick and yet this “second piece of evidence” generated world-wide attention and probably more than a few people saying something like: “See, more evidence. End of Days! End of Days!”

It was this fragment of brick that prompted the Institute of Anthropology and History in Mexico to host a roundtable discussion of 60 Maya experts to “dispel some of the doubts about the end of one era and the beginning of another, in the Mayan Long Count calendar.”

All of this hoopla gets us back to more malarkey.

Many Maya experts don’t even believe the Comalcalco Brick inscription refers to the 12-21-12 date. I know, I know, they’re only experts, so what could they possibly know?

I love this part, explained by John Thomas Didymus in the Digital Journal: ”The mystery of the message in the Tortuguero inscription is complicated by an illegible ending, though some have claimed the eroded text reads ‘He will descend from the sky.’" The ‘He’ refers to the Mayan god of war and creation.

In point of fact, the Comalcalco Brick offers us nothing more than more gobbledygook about which True Believers (morons/idiots) can get hysterical and pee themselves.

David Stuart, an expert on the Mayan inscriptions at the University of Texas, Austin, said that while some people think the Comalcalco Brick refers to 2012, “I remain rather unconvinced."

As should we all.

GEOMAGNETIC REVERSAL?….NOT TO WORRY!

I haven’t discussed geomagnetic reversal much in the course of the last couple of months. True Believers (idiots/morons) like to lump this into the many possible scenarios that will lead to Doomsday/End of Days/the Apocalypse/Armageddon – basically one of many Dooms du Jour.

Here’s the thing, according to the experts. Geomagnetic reversal may happen and eventually will happen! The True Believers (idiots/morons) misrepresent reality, twisting a natural phenomenon into a Doomsday circumstance. In truth the earth’s magnetic field shifts frequently.

As one expert explains:

“The Earth's magnetic field, with its north and south poles, isn't as constant as you'd think. During the 20th century, when scientists began studying the Earth's polarity more closely, the exact location of the poles would shift anywhere between 6.2 and 24.9 miles (10 and 40 kilometers) per year. Even more surprising is the fact that sometimes the magnetic poles completely flip – so the North Pole heads south and the South Pole travels north. This happens very infrequently throughout the Earth's history: The last reversal happened about 780,000 years ago.”

Thus, while the True Believers (idiots/morons) are peeing their pants and spreading their hysterical, panicky nonsense, the reality is this: it is impossible to predict a magnetic reversal and “it's impossible for the Earth to change its rotation.” In other words, the sun isn’t going to suddenly start rising in the West. (Well, if that happened we would all be dead anyway.)

So for those of you who think describing the True Believers as idiots and morons is too harsh, I point to this bizarre belief in magnetic reversal as an entrée to Doomsday. These mooks are so systematically stupid that they grasp at any asinine concept that rolls down the pike whether or not it has any basis in reality. At best, they are simply polluting the gene pool.

THE WEB BOT PROJECT AND THE END OF THE WORLD

The True Believers (idiots/morons) who see the end of the world as imminent occasionally point to the Web Bot Project as proof that they aren’t idiots and morons, but rather spot-on smart people. Well, heck, everyone deserves a rich fantasy life, even idiots and morons.

Created by Clif High (really, with a surname like ‘High’ his parents named him Clif and couldn’t even add the second ‘f’?) and George Ure, the Web Bot Project was developed in the 1990s to forecast stock market activity. The concept is fairly simple. The Web Bot software roams the Internet, visiting Web pages seeking keywords or phrases. This collected information then becomes a means to peer into the group-think on specific topics.

Now on the surface, while it might appear as a cool concept, it’s really rather creepy. Of course, the Internet if filled with snooping busybodies and voyeuristic creeps. Ure began claiming that the Web Bot could predict the future. For instance, he said that it predicted a “world-changing event” after June 2001. Well, then came 9/11 and, Presto!, he had his world changing event.

As I have said before, making those kinds of predictions is relatively simple. Something happens almost every year that changes the world in one way or another. Look at 2011 with the Arab Spring and the Tsunami in Japan among other events.

However, since 9/11, claims have been made that the Web Bot Project foretold Hurricane Katrina, our current economic crisis and – you’ll love this – the hunting accident in which Vice President Dick Cheney shot his friend. Okay, I might believe that the Web Bot could prognosticate the rise of a stock in the market or some economic trend, but Hurricane Katrina and Cheney’s unfortunate misadventure with his shotgun? Truly, to believe either of those events were predicted by the Web Bot you’d have to be an idiot or a moron. How on earth could Internet technology tell you that a hurricane would not simply slam into New Orleans, but almost destroy the city? And a hunting accident?

Oh, please!

And that’s not all! Apparently, the Web Bot predicts a catastrophic event on December 21, 2012!

Worry not! Many of the Web Bots predictions have proven utterly wrong. And, as one critic wrote:  “the predictions made by the technology are usually so vague that people can conveniently fit them onto events after they occur. Also, the fact that so many people are probably writing about a 2012 apocalypse most likely skews the system.”

Ah ha! I am one of the multitude skewing the Web Bot…Wait! That just sounds wrong, doesn’t it?

COOL PLACES TO VISIT BEFORE END OF THE WORLD…NOT!

If the whole “End of the World according to the Maya (not!)” thing intrigues, I’m told that there are five very cool places to visit before…you know, the world doesn’t happen.

Chichen Itza

Chichen Itza is a sacred place along Mexico's southern Yucatan peninsula. Dating back to the 5^th century, the settlement merges Maya and Toltec architectural styles. Interesting to note that the war-like Toltec from the Mexican plateau compelled the barbaric ritual sacrifices that took place at Chichen Itza.

Spread over a large area, the site has many monuments including Kukulkan, the stepped pyramid temple, and a Great Ball Court, where vicious, bloody ball games were played. Chichen Itza has been designated a UNESCO World Heritage Site.

Tulum

Also in the Yucatan peninsula, Tulum is a cliff top site that overlooks blue-green Caribbean Sea. It is a favorite spot for photographers attempting to capture its picturesque beauty and stunning vista. It is often recommended as a quick stop for tourists.

Palenque

Another UNESCO World Heritage Site, Palenque is located deep in the jungle in Chiapas, Mexico. The site features numerous temples, usually surrounded by mist and mystery. Again, a tourist will find stepped pyramids, among them the fabled Temple of Inscriptions where Pakal the Great, the 7^th century ruler of Palenque, is buried.

Tikal

It is believed that Tikal dates back to 600 BC and at one time in its history was home to 90,000 people. Located in Guatemala’s ecological reserve, Tikal’s ruins include palaces, temples and public squares. In the surrounding jungle are many other ruins to explore, although it is prudent to move through the area carefully since it is home to many protected species of fauna and flora.

Copan

Copan, located in Honduras, may date back to four thousand years. While it was abandoned long ago, the Spanish explorer Diego Garcia de Palacio discovered its ruins in 1570. Copan features a veritable maze of ball courts, temples, plazas and altar complexes. Among its most fascinating features is the Hieroglyphic Stairway Plaza, a 100-meter-wide stairway that holds a lengthy Mayan inscription comprised many glyphs.

Now, wouldn’t visiting these five cool places be much, much better than obsessing about the end of the world that ain’t goin’ happen?

THE ARK PROJECT OR DELUSIONS FROM THE END OF THE WORLD

“Wake up, this is no joke.” So begins the 12 pages of information concerning the “Ark Project.” 

“2012 the end of days is getting short. Are you ready?” Now, that’s the big question, right?

The Ark Project is presented by an “ex-British serviceman who has become concerned about disturbing prospects for the end of the year 2012.”

Well, I am an ex-American serviceman unconcerned about the end of the year 2012, other than the fact that a) I’ll be a year older and hopefully no fatter and b) the approach of the end of the year means Christmas shopping. I don’t like Christmas shopping. Heck, I don’t like shopping period.

The ex-British serviceman offers a list of concerns from which we are asked to draw our own conclusions and he offers as a measure of validation: “Also in the near future there is a glut of Hollywood films coming out regarding some of my concerns.”

Yes, indeed. Hollywood is taking its cues from an ex-British serviceman’s paranoia and not the lure of the almighty dollar.

Under the heading “Validation,” the ex-British serviceman rambles on about his time as an intelligence analyst in Whitehall, London. After this tedious discourse on intelligence work, he explains that he has gathered information on the End of Days. “There are films, documentaries and printed literature on many aspects of this material, some going back hundreds, thousands of years. But in this instance the person who must make sense of it is You. Because – Time is about to run out!

Wow, I’m breathless and all atwitter with anticipation.

Okay, after our intrepid British serviceman pronounces December 21, 2012 the last day we will know, he submits the usual suspects for consideration. Mayan Prophecy. Solar Flare. The return of Planet X. Global warming (which is featured twice). Stonehenge (“like many ancient sites has its origins and purpose lost to time… maybe this is really a clock for Nubiri’s return?” Or maybe not!)

New to this blog: “Sign of the Devil.” Here, I offer this gentleman’s words of explanation:

“This is purely my interpretation. But is there a numerology point here?

“Looking at the numbers involved in expressing the date a curious math seems apparent to me; 21/12/2012 or 12/21/2012 making perhaps

20 12   - 21 - 12

or 2 x (1+2) = 6, 2 x (2+1) = 6, lastly 2 x (1+2) = 6.

“So does that come to 666?

“666 the sign of the Devil that is said to become apparent at the end of time?

“There is a certain symmetry to the date and time from the Gregorian Calendar, which may or may not be proven, but a curious possibility I think you will agree.”

My favorite part of all of this is the entry on Hollywood.

“It has been argued by others that the timing of film releases from Hollywood look like a public awareness arm of the US government. I do not know, but the timing of films being released in the next few months seems remarkable. It certainly looks like a message is being delivered, emphatically. Remember just because something is on film, doesn’t make it real or a certainty, nor the outcome inevitable - though the skills of the special effects artists are very convincing and compelling.”

What? That’s about as much double-speak as I can process in one paragraph. Is Hollywood the propaganda arm of the US government preparing us for the End of Days or not? (I suggest….not!)

The British ex-serviceman offers the following reference: The Mayan Prophecy of 2012, WebBot forecasts, You Tube 2012 predictions, Scyblian Oracles – Book 4, Delphi Oracle, Forth coming film ‘High Definition’ by Columbia (about which I can find nothing), Egyptian Prophecies, Nubiri, NASA - Long Range Solar Activity Forecast (which, as we know, reveal no End of Days), UCAR – Sun Spot Forecast (see previous parenthetical comment), Edgar Cayce predictions, Nostradamus predictions, and 2012 Enigma by David Wilcox.

So, dear reader, you’re asking yourself, where does all this lead? Exactly where you would suspect:

How to Survive. “Take a copy of this eBook and join The Ark - 2012 Project. I can offer you some hope, a chance to survive the events of 2012. An e-Book to prompt and suggest, help you organize and prioritize. The cost is $8.00, payable through Paypal. Less than you probably pay a month on life insurance, but with the advantage that You get the benefit and those nearest and dearest to you the chance of Life.

“Even if all You have to worry about is Global Warming – you need to worry NOW! By the time any of this is News. It will be too late – only those who survive can write history.”

If there was a market for bullshit, this guy would have it cornered. Just another profiteer. If I knew who this guy was, I’d wait until the end of the year and then laugh and point at him.

UNICORNS AT THE END OF DAYS

It’s easier to believe in unicorns than End of Days. At least for me. Magic is cool, unicorns are kinda cool – a bit girlish, I think, and I admit a minotaur would be way cooler – and, let’s face it, only a real stick-in-the-mud wouldn’t want to go to school at Hogwarts.

Camomile Hixon, a New York City pop artist, was riding on a subway train one morning studying the grim, bitter, weary faces of her traveling companions. She asked herself what she would have to do to get these glum, grumpy people to smile?

Her answer? “What if I could get Wall Street to think about unicorns for three seconds?”

Thus was born the famous “Missing Unicorn” poster. (I know, I know, I’ve never heard of it either.)

On Halloween night, 2010, Camomile and some friends spread 1500 Missing Unicorn posters the length and breadth of Manhattan. Then the group spread out and watched people’s reactions to the posters.

Camomile recounted one particular incident in Battery Park: “We ran into a posse of kids who first appeared to be on the street intending to intimidate. I could feel them watching me put up a poster. When I walked away, they ran up to it. Then they whipped around and looked at me with huge beautiful smiles on their faces. There was such joy! The unicorn was like an olive branch. We could all agree that this was something entertaining and fun. They all ended up high-fiving me!”

Although the posters quickly vanished, a reporter from the Los Angeles Times happened to be in New York. She saw the poster and wrote a story about it. The interest in the unicorn was so intense, that Camomile’s Missing Unicorn Website (http://missingunicorn.com/) and hotline received and continues to receive thousands of calls from around the world about the absent unicorn.

Camomile’s father-in-law, Lex Hixon, a renowned spiritual leader, once told her that “the most evolved manifestation of the human being is the child’s heart.” Reminding herself of that every day, she adds: “We need to have wonderment to evolve. Once that’s gone we’ve lost the magic of what life can be.”

So, you’re probably asking yourself, what the hell does all this have to do with the End of the World?

Nothing, really. It just seemed to me that if the world was going to end, wouldn’t be better to have a smile on your face thinking about unicorns rather than solar flares and rogue planets?

A FEW MORE OBSERVATIONS FROM EVERYWHERE

Bruce Tallman
London Free Press

The other talk about 2012 is not about disaster, but about a positive shift in consciousness. My own prediction is there will be even more liberation of “people power,” mainly caused by the social media: Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and smart phones, which make it very easy for people to rally around a cause. The Arab Spring and Occupy movement witness that the average person is fed up with being passively manipulated by dictators, corporations and the ultra-rich. True democracy and a massive shift of planetary consciousness is coming, the awareness that we are all in this together, we are not alone, and together we can create a better world.

Elizabeth Evans
Ahwatukee Foothills News (Phoenix)

I can guarantee you that the finish for the Mayan calendar isn't going to be anything special, end-of-the-world-wise, unless you count the part where I'll be in a crowded shopping mall that day trying to find a vintage Pokemon Yellow Nintendo DS game and I will certainly wish that my world might end in a fiery ball of salsa.

No, The End of Everything As We Know It has already pretty much happened, with the recent announcement concerning the planned remake of the classic ode to love, romance and sword fights, "The Princess Bride."

Really? REALLY?

No, I mean: INCONCEIVABLE!

My name is Elizabeth Evans. You're ruining my favorite movie. Prepare to ... you get the picture.

James Soriano
Manila Bulletin

At the end of the day, it is necessary first and foremost to accept the reality that our chances of survival are very slim. Should this disillusion you and cloud your vision with hopeless despair, it is best to stop sulking and suppress thoughts of committing suicide.

Instead you must, as countless have said, party like it’s the end of the world.

NAT GEO SURVEY ON THE END OF THE WORLD

The National Geographic Channel and Kelton Research conducted a survey of Americans concerning both their frame of mind about and preparations for the End of the World.

What emerged from the study is really not too surprising, although the first and most significant find is a bit disturbing:

1. “85 percent of the nation is not ready for a devastating event.”

I say it is a bit disturbing and then realize that I actually fall into that 85 percent bracket. With the exception of freeze dried food, we probably have most of what we need to survive a disaster in the house. What we also need is the gumption to gather it all together.

2. “More than 62 percent of Americans think the world will experience a major catastrophe in less than 20 years.”

I could agree with this, but it really wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Define “major catastrophe.” The devastating earthquake in Haiti in 2010? The tsunami that flooded so much of Japan last year?  9/11? Sure they were localized to specific areas, but their impacts were felt around the world and still resonate today.

3. “Nearly three out of every four people (71%) envision a major disaster in their lifetime as an act of God, not man.”

Hurricanes in the Gulf of Mexico, tornados in the heartland, earthquakes on the Pacific coast…these are all “acts of God” that routinely occur. So, yes, I can envision them in my lifetime.

4. “One-third (27%) believe that the Mayan calendar’s prediction about a calamitous event in December 2012 will be at least “somewhat true.”

Well, I’m on the record here. It’s all hype and bullshit and the 27 percent are either ignorant or stupid.

5. “More than half of the nation (52%) believes that if Mitt Romney or one of his Republican counterparts overtake Barack Obama, a man-made catastrophe is more likely.”

Makes sense to me.

6. “Among those who feel unprepared, 40 percent cite the lasting effects of the recession as the reason for their unpreparedness.”

It’s a good excuse, but it’s just an excuse.

7. “The same number (40%) is saying ‘to hell with a 401(k)’ to save money for catastrophe arrangements.”

Whatever, dudes.

8. “Nearly half (49%) of Americans would forgo new high-end appliances in a new home if it had a safe room or bomb shelter instead.”

Not me. I want a new, fancy stove and I know my wife wouldn’t object to a new refrigerator with the freezer on the bottom. Besides, the cost of high-end appliances – even really, really high-end – wouldn’t cover the cost of a safe room or bomb shelter.

9. “If doomsday were to arrive, nearly four in 10 (39%) think they would not last two weeks based on the supplies they have on hand.”

Hmmmm. I’ll say we could go a month, but it would be an annoying, uncomfortable month.

10. “One in four Americans have done nothing to prepare.”

Well, there’s a lot of good TV and movies to watch and all those Websites to visit and Facebook, don’t get me started.

So what is the take away from all of this? For me it’s that 27 percent of America is stupid – but I knew that – and the rest of us are either lazy – I knew that, too – unconcerned or acutely paranoid.

Ain’t this a great country?

VALENTINES AND ARMAGEDDON

Well, it’s Valentine’s Day! Time for chocolate covered cherries and bouquets of roses, sappy love songs and slow dances. It’s a goofy day, in my opinion. Always has been. Men run around like idiots feeling guilty because they didn’t make the perfect dinner reservations – I mean, really, what’s not romantic about a veggie pizza, a bucket of beer and a chilling horror flick like “Valentine” with heartthrob David Boreanaz and Denise Richards or “My Bloody Valentine,” either the 1981 original, which I prefer, or the 2009 remake? I mean, if you want to cuddle in the dark, there’s nothing like a good slasher flick to get everyone closer.

Sorry, I really digressed. What I really want to talk about is the Ford Motor Company’s missing sense of humor. If you watched the Super Bowl – and who didn’t? – you probably saw the post-Apocalypse commercial from General Motors that played off the silly Mayan calendar hysteria.

The commercial features a Chevrolet Silverado traversing a scary, debris-filled landscape that is the result of the Mayan-predicted Doomsday. As the truck makes its way through the rubble we see a wrecked flying saucer, a gigantic robot and considerable ruin. When, at last, the truck arrives at a city square where other drivers await in their Silverados, one of them asks: “Where’s Dave?”

Another shakes his head sadly. “Dave drove a Ford.”

Funny, right?

Wrong, according to Ford execs who got their tidy whites in a bunch. Ford attorneys were all atwitter, writing: "If Chevrolet does not [remove the ads from the Internet] prior to the start of the Super Bowl, then Ford will take all appropriate steps to enforce and protect its reputation." That was according to The Detroit News.

Okay, fine, don’t have a sense of humor. But did I mention that one of the drivers was eating Twinkies – a food with a half-life of like forever – and that it started raining frogs?

Geez, that’s funny and, to boot, it puts the Mayan Doomsday nonsense in the proper perspective, a joke.

Have a great Valentine’s Day. Don’t eat too much chocolate or drink too much Champaign. However, “do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight!”

WILL IRAN AND ISRAEL TRIGGER DOOMSDAY?

Okay, here we go! I have to deal with this one. It’s the 400-pound gorilla usurping my couch.

U.S. Defense Secretary Leon Panetta, a classy guy and an incredibly astute one, told reporter David Ignatius recently that there is a strong possibility that Israel may attack Iran this coming April, May or June.

Why would Israel attack Iran? Well, Iran has vowed to wipe Israel off the map and is reported developing nuclear capabilities that might just help the Iranians do that. As all of us old enough to recall the Seven Days War know, Israelis can kick ass and take names. They have their backs to the sea and almost all of the Mideast ready to pounce on them like feral cats on a hapless – or in this case, not so hapless – mouse. 

So, naturally, Donald L. Brake, Sr., writing in the ultra-conservative Washington Times, asks “Does the Bible say anything about Iran and a nuclear attack on Israel?”

“Persia was one of the greatest empires of the ancient world,” Brake explains. “The Persians flourished and dominated the geo-political landscape from 539-331BC. The Bible records the fall of the Babylonian Empire to the Persians. This set the stage for the return of the Hebrew people to Jerusalem about 538-445BC following their seventy-year Babylonian captivity (606-536 BC).”

Brake builds a biblical framework here, going on and on about Armageddon, end of days, predictions and prophesies, etc., etc.

“While there is no evidence from Scripture that Iran will strike a nuclear blow to Israel or the US, Scripture implies that the end times conditions are present in the 21st century. Israel has been brought back into the ‘promised land’ and is a sovereign state. Jerusalem remains the center of prophecy and modern controversy. An Iranian nuclear attack on Israel would set the world on a course closely related to biblical descriptions of the events of the end times.”

Did you get that? “While there is no evidence from Scripture that Iran will strike a nuclear blow to Israel or the US…” However, if Iran does attack, it “would set the world on a course closely related to biblical descriptions of the events of the end times.”

I tell you, this stuff gets weird. Brake goes on at some length about prophesies of Ezekiel, Zech and, of course, Revelations. The thing of which I always remind myself is that many of the biblical “prophets” received prophesies after cutting open a dead goat and reading them in its entrails.

I may have fallen off a turnip truck, but I didn’t fall off of it last night.

GAMER’S ROAD TO ARMAGEDDON – PART 2

GAMER’S ROAD TO ARMAGEDDON – PART 2

As I said yesterday, I’m presenting this list as a two-parter since Google wouldn’t let me paste the list as a whole.

Thus, we continue through the last half of the list of the Top 10 Best End of the World video games.

5. Pandemic 2. “Players are tasked with creating and evolving viruses, bacteria, or parasites to ultimately kill every last person on the planet.” Now, that’s what I’m talking about! Killer viruses, nasty bacteria and parasites…don’t get me started on parasites!

4. Legend of Zelda Majora’s Mask. Even a non-gamer like me has heard of the Legend of Zelda. I think it’s been around for a long time. “Not only has the young Link (the protagonist) been transported to Termina, where he is transformed into various species through horrific masks, he’s also tasked with saving the world on a very short deadline of three days. Sure, he can start over as much as he’d like, but a ticking clock is never fun to see.”

3. Final Fantasy VI. “What really sets Final Fantasy VI apart is actually Kefka, the nihilistic clown set upon destroying the world. In one scene, he poisons the drinking water for a whole town, killing hundreds. Halfway through the game, he goes so far as to smite millions of people and successfully destroy the world.” Halfway through the game this sick clown destroys the world? What is the point?

2. Enslaved: Odyssey to the West. “Enslaved stars Monkey, a man with no past who is collared by the spunky Trip to guide her back to her father’s home. Unfortunately, robots from a distant war and a militaristic group stand in their way, complicating the plotline and ultimately ending in a dramatic robotic battle in a desert.” Okay, okay, I can live with dueling robots.

AND FINALLY!

1. I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream. Harlan Ellison’s famous short story by the same title is the springboard for this game. The reviewer said: “The most depressing example of dystopian future on this list. Seriously, imagine a future where a computer AI slaughters all of the human race, saving five last humans to torture for all eternity.”

So, if you’re a gamer, enjoy. If you’re not, save the list for your family and friends who are video gamers. This is 2012, End of the World gifts are all the rage!