MORE DOOMSDAYS HISTORIES

1704
Cardinal Nicholas de Cusa greatly annoyed the Catholic Church in general and the Vatican in particular when he declared that the End of Days would occur in 1704. When they did not occur, undoubtedly de Cusa was understandably embarrassed and the Vatican remained annoyed.

May 19, 1719
Jacques Bernoulli, also known as Jakob I, was the progenitor of a long line of famous Swiss mathematicians from Berne. He is famous for discovering a mathematical series now called the Bernoulli Numbers as well as for being the first of eight other amazingly talented mathematicians produced from his line over the course of three generations. However, Jacques also wanted to be famous for prognosticating the end of the world (and who doesn’t?) when he announced that the comet that had passed in 1680 was returning in 1719 and would destroy the world. Unfortunately for Jacques and fortunately for the rest of us, the comet did not reappear and, as you may note, the world did not end.

October 13, 1736
William Whiston, an English theologian, mathematician and historian, proclaimed in London that the world was coming to an end on October 13, 1736 when a comet would slam into our planet. The good folks of London flooded the Thames with boats filled with citizens anxiously anticipating the end. Their anxieties gradually diminished as time passed and the earth continued spinning unfazed by rogue comets.

1757
Emmanuel Swedenborg, an amazingly arrogant and egotistical theologian/mystic/spiritualist who frequently sought the spotlight and loved to bask in the attention and adoration of others, claimed to have had a chat a flock of angels who informed him that 1757 was the End of Days. Not only did few pay any attention to his pronouncement, but apparently the angels were big fat liars.

April 5, 1761
William Bell (no, not the William Bell portrayed by Leonard Nimoy on the Fox’ TV series “Fringe”), the 18^th century soldier and religious fanatic noted that there were 28 days between the earthquake of February 8, 1761 and the earthquake of March 8, 1761, he quite naturally concluded that in another 28 days – April 5, 1791 – an enormous earthquake would cause the earth to crumble. A few True Believers (and what do we say about them? Idiots and morons!) accepted his pronouncement as true and boated onto the Thames to await the crumbling of the earth (no one explained exactly how boating would save anyone if the earth did, indeed, crumble). More than a few suggested Bell would have been better served if he had selected April 1 since having made a fool of himself, the good people of London had him tossed into Bedlam, London’s nefarious madhouse. From that point on, Bell is lost to history.

1774
The final big pronouncement of the End of Days made during the 18^th century came from a woman named Joanna Southcott. An English sect leader, she decided to let folks know that not only was she pregnant, but she was carrying the New Messiah. Joanna said she was going to name this New Messiah Shiloh. Naturally, if her child was the Messiah, then it would definitely be the End of Days. Unfortunately, records show that her pregnancy "came to nothing" and there was no End of Days. In this case, “came to nothing” means she never had a baby. Anyway, Joanna left a box of “mystical notes” that she said must be opened in the presence of 24 bishops. Unfortunately, no one could find 24 bishops who were fired up enough to attend the box opening and it remained sealed. In fact, it disappeared into antiquity.

There is some discrepancy here. Some sources say she made the announcement of her pending imaginary pregnancy in 1814, when she was pushing 65. Either way, she lied.

Oh, and by the way, after today there are only 300 days left until we can laugh and point at the True Believers (idiots/morons) who believe December 21, 2012 in End of Days!